Who is Aidan Cocchiarella?

Josh Allen doesn’t know. Stefon Diggs doesn’t know. Tre’Davious White doesn’t know. But if his prophecy is true, they should. And they should be thankful for this high school junior’s services.

Every Sunday morning Cocchiarella wakes up at approximately 9 A.M., hops out of bed, gets dressed, gets his phone, excessively calls his two friends Jerzy Nowak and Sully O’Brien until he “ceases to hear their voicemail,” tells them he’s on his way to pick them up and then heads over to Denny’s at 9:45.

“Chocolate-chip pancakes, no butter. Chocolate milkshake. Eight-dollar bill. Four-dollar tip. Walk to Wendy’s and get vanilla frosty. Same routine every game day,” said Cocchiarella. This tradition started this year after the Bills’ loss to the Steelers in week one, but they won in week two over the Dolphins by a score of 35-0. How could the Bills have turned their poor performance around so quickly? The only reasonable answer must’ve been breakfast. 

For the next three weeks, the Bills won all three games, all thanks to Cocchiarella. But disaster struck in week six, coincidentally when he missed his second “Denny’s run” in exchange for extra sleep. Big mistake. The Bills lose to the Titans just hours after. 0-2 on weeks where he’s not there.

His routines never switches, outside of the four games he missed to do so. The Bills’ record over those three games? 0-4.

After the most recent loss to the Patriots, Cocchiarella made a group chat with his other two friends which he goes to Denny’s with, threatening to cut off their rides which he provides them if they were to miss another game this season. For Josh Allen’s sake, Aidan Cocchiarella must go dine at Denny’s.  

Fast forward to the most recent game. Game 14. Buffalo matches up against Carolina. Josh Allen, Tyler Matekevich, and Taiwan Jones meet the Panthers’ captains at the 50-yard-line prior to the beginning of the game for the coin toss. Major playoff implications are on the line, no doubt the biggest game of the season as of yet. Little do the players know, the game has already been decided a few hours earlier after Cocchiarella and posse paid their check. The Bills were victors before they even stepped on the field.

Cocchiarella is not alone in his assumption that the team’s performance is based on his everyday life. A life that is in no way conducive to wins or loses in the standings. According to a poll of 65 students in Orchard Park High School, about 45% of them state they have a routine that they follow on day that their favorite football team plays. These routines range anywhere in the neighborhood from wearing their favorite shorts to not showering for multiple days in advance. Anything for a Buffalo win.  

45% of people have woken up on six different Monday mornings this season with the full assumption that the Bills’ loss is their fault. 45% of people can make or break the Bills’ season. 45% are deserving of a ring when Josh Allen holds the Pete Rozelle Trophy over his head on his parade around Buffalo on a late February day. 45% of people are doing a terrible job, as Buffalo has yet to make it back to the Super Bowl in 27 years. The clear fault of missed routine and superstitions.